Tabloid lit

by Lauren

While I've not been much of a trashy magazine reader since I was a teenager (except for when I lived in Ireland where British tabloids abound, because they really are the masters of the genre!), I loved this Flavorpill post on which tabloid staples our great literary figures most closely resemble.  It's hard to decide in some cases whom the comparison is crueler to: the fictional trainwreck or the real-life one. 

But I quibble with some of their choices.  Gatsby and Diddy seem similar on the surface, which I suppose is somewhat fitting the themes of the book, but Diddy just doesn't seem as emotionally damaged as poor pathetic Jay.  For me, Gatsby's all about the pathos and how poorly the surface covers it up if you really look.  I'd probably have gone for some unloved and unloveable poseur who hangs with the heiress set but is still never totally of them.  Admittedly, I can't think of someone who fits.  Nicole Richie?  Clearly seems to have her issues, and she wasn't born into wealth--though unlike Gatsby, she didn't work her way in either.  Lindsay Lohan, perhaps?  (I clearly love Gatsby, but have never been a fan of Mr. Combs, so perhaps that's my issue.  Poor little LiLo, though, I'm still giving credit for the sheer watchability of her Parent Trap remake, which I've seen roughly 80 million times on television.)

And perhaps it's just me, but George Clooney oozes charisma, whereas Darcy seems more reserved and steadfast.  Frankly, I don't see a Darcy type ending up in the tabloids unless he...I don't know...saves a small child or cute puppy during a slow news week?

But it's got me thinking, and now I'm trying to figure out who would stand in for some other classics.  Clarissa Dalloway?  Jo March?  And who is John Mayer in the canon?